There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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