you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
