Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
