its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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