Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
