at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
