I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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