Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was confusing and full of hummus
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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