Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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