Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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