he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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