You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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