Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
