im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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