Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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