I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
