you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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