i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
