So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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