tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
