The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
