In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize