Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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