oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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