i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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