Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I want to be your penis for a week.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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