My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
