is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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