I like my sex mixed with concussions.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize