Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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