So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
