This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
