wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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