member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
