time to smoke my breakfast
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
