found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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