This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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