I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize