in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
