my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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