White coat. Heels.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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