butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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