I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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