We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize