yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm really busy with my period
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