I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
