We named our party play list daddy issues
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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