If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize