dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
