bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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