Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
