She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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