My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
