I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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