Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
