Got a toothbrush?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
