just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
