I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
