I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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