i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
