i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
