Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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