so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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