My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
